The way I used to be by Amber Smith review
Date published: 22nd March 2016
Date read: 21/05/2018
Genre: YA/ Contemporary
Rating: 5/5
Synopsis:Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.
What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart. My review:
Points on writing: 4/5. Couldn't find any faults with the writing style but I can't imagine a 13-year-old talking the way the character was talking at the start of the book. The writing was very emotive and descriptive. The author did an amazing job of putting you through something you have never experienced.
Plot: 5/5 The plot is not about the rape, it isn't about the lead up for straight after. This book is about how trauma changes you, about how going through something massive in your life, in this case bad, changes you and your relationships with other people. This book is about being in control and learning how to grow. If this was a rape book I don't think I would read it, but Eden changes as a person at 3 points in this book, before the rape, after the rape and after growth and that is what matters. After growth and defining who you are as a person.
Characters: 5/5 Eden, at first I wanted to do everything in my power to protect Eden. As the story went on I hated her a little and within the last 50 odd pages, I loved her. I wanted to wrap her in bubble wrap and ship her off to somewhere safe, the moon? But in the end, I loved Eden. It's her story and the author doesn't make Eden this sad little girl that got raped and then doesn't live. No Eden got raped and then she did some fucked up stuff but she healed herself and that is what matters.
Ending: 5/5 I cried in the end. It was the perfect ending. I don't think I have read an ending I have loved more. All the questions I had got answered but the ending still wasn't 100% which leaves you wanting more.
Overall feelings and would I reread: I read this book the morning before an exam, which was a silly thing to do no my part. I woke up and read it within a few hours and it was all I could think about for days. The plot was hard to read and if you are sensitive to rape stories I wouldn't recommend this book for you but I feel like every girl and her mother should read this. Actually, everyone should read this. I probably wouldn't reread this book, this is the kind of book you read once, it has a great impact but you don't reread.
